My Weblog

My God given wings

aapbanaantje — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 21:54:00 +0000

I feel like falling for you

I feel like giving up these wings

To be with you

Without any effort

I am able to survive in this world

When you walk by

Your scent seems to cradle me

Just for a moment

Even without you knowing

My heart is surrounded with this loving warmth

Sturdy and secure

Everything a girl needs

You seem to be too perfect

You maybe even are

Al these things that I love

Makes me feel like falling

‘Cause I know it’s a safe choice

‘Cause I know you have the ability

To give me what I want

But I wouldn’t be able

To sincerely love

I love just the things that make you perfect

Not.. you

‘Cause there ain’t no party like..

aapbanaantje — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 21:23:25 +0000

..an alcoholic party!

: scandalous

No, that candy-bra wasn’t mine, but a gift for the birthday girl.

Haven’t been partying a lot these days. It’s lesser then last year. Not that I miss it a lot, because when I do get the chance to party, I party HARD.

: Do I smell alcohol in the air?

I don’t really get regrets in the morning after getting wasted, maybe because I never get hangovers. Not that I don’t get effected by alcohol, but I just take care of enough fluid in my body before I pass out, so terrible headaches in the morning can be avoided.

A painfull bump on my head, not knowing where I bumped my head against to.. well at least I did puked neatly in the toilet and not next to it.

Cupcakes

aapbanaantje — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 22:48:51 +0000

can you see the end?

When it was just the two of us

aapbanaantje — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 21:24:45 +0000

A pretty pair

missing the summer

aapbanaantje — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 20:50:31 +0000

cooling down yet?

time to time

aapbanaantje — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 23:27:37 +0000

I’ve lost my sanity, again. The feelings I express aren’t the ones I feel anymore. My mind is unorganized, my hollow heart feels heavy. I tried to grab on to those bits in my head, but couldn’t hold on to it. I want to cry, but I can’t. I want to smile, but it hurts if I do. Who I’m I fooling, what I’m I feeling, what should I be thinking? I might have lost myself..

it will take some time, to find and gather the pieces of me.

Just time. Like always. Time.

Sorry

aapbanaantje — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 17:02:21 +0000

It began with you apologizing, it ended with me saying sorry.

These tears flowing, I’ve tried to be all I could be.

I don’t know it anymore, but I’ve never been sure.

It wasn’t my intention, to hurt you like this, to make you feel so troubled.

Far from perfection, but still selfishly I made that risk, wanting to be loved.

I’m a slave to my habits, that weren’t unknown to you before we started.

With no expression, looking at my right side, there’s an empty space that I’ve created.

When I walked beside you, with no reason, my eyes used to search for your face, happy to discover your smile.

It was like an ignition, starting this warm and comfortable fire.

I never intend to break that smile.

It’s too painful to leave that warmth in this cold winter, but I still need to.

With a cold wind wrapping around my hollow heart, time to time, tears still will fall so sudden.

I’m sorry, for hurting you, I’m sorry, for leaving you.

How we met, I’ll never forget.

But right now, with this pain in my heart, I wish that we’ve never met.

A quick come and go

aapbanaantje — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 23:09:01 +0000

With this sadness, I hate those with happiness.

Jealousy that says: That could’ve been me.

The little devil that says: He can still be yours.

Hormones that say: You can do many hot one timers, instead of one annoying all timer.

It makes me too tired to listen, so I ignore and the feeling…

..fades away.

A win or miss

aapbanaantje — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 23:04:21 +0000

Make one’s life wonderful.

Make one other’s life miserable.

There is this guilt that I feel, when both makes me feel content.

As a decent person, I should feel sorry when I hurt others, when I make them unhappy.

As a decent person, I should be humble, with the praises I get.

But I don’t.

A safe feeling

aapbanaantje — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:48:53 +0000

He’s fighting his battle, wildly throwing his fists, but the punches are weak. His spirit is already strong and when his pride gets involved, he seems unstoppable. Because he’s so confident of winning the battle, his tactic doesn’t change, his way of attacking stays the same, there’s no big impact. His reason to fight, it seems to be to prove that he’s better, an ancient reason to fight. It’s funny how he’s so convinced, how he thinks he’s strong, while he’s weak. It’s funny how he wants to win this childish battle, how serious and driven he is. It’s ridiculous.

He’s serious about it. It seemed a battle of his own, but the reason wasn’t as childish and selfish as toughed. What he yearned, was to make clear how childish they acted, how they treated others, how they had no feeling of guilt, no self-awareness. He told them that they weren’t that decent like think they self were, that it was despicable.

Despite his weak punches, his childish acts, he meant good. His heart is in the right place. Like a silent superhero, he offered help to those that won’t fight the battle. The warmth of that offer, already felt like protection.